I have seen postings saying something along these lines several times in recent weeks, from people who have grown weary of the Facebook polemicists. It has gotten me thinking about the style of political expression in this forum.
Never having had any formal education in rhetoric, what I have learned through observation over the years is that the best way to influence the thinking of others is to set forth the various perspectives on an issue and carefully build an argument that demonstrates, in a cogent fashion, why one view is more compelling than others.
It seems there isn't much of that on Facebook. Instead, from Facebook I have learned that Mitt Romney hates dogs. He puts them on the roof of his vehicle and then drives at high speeds in the most extreme weather conditions, frequently passing through tunnels with clearance barely greater than the height of his conveyance.
I have learned that Barack Obama was born not in the United States but rather in Africa, or perhaps a distant galaxy, and his goal is to invite aliens from far away to take over the U.S., if not the entire planet. Oh, and he is a Muslim whose lifelong best friend is an extremist black preacher who hates white America.
If Romney is elected, all of the important social welfare programs enacted in the 1960s will be immediately abolished. Old folks will have no health care and will languish in poverty, eating the cheapest store-brand dog food they can find. The poor will all be living in discarded packing boxes from large appliances, fighting each other for spots above the grates on city sidewalks that bring up warm air from below street level.
If Obama is re-elected, on the other hand, those whose family incomes place them just barely above the middle of the Middle Class will have every penny of income that they don't need for subsistence at a Third World standard of living confiscated. It will then be used to "spread the wealth around," which means giving it to the least deserving of the undeserving poor: those too lazy to lift a finger to earn a living, who will then be able to keep themselves supplied with the latest electronic gadgets - and recreational drugs aplenty.
Romney will ensure that the super-rich get richer by the day, moving all of their money offshore to escape U.S. taxes, just as he himself has always done. Not only will they not pay their fair share; they will pay no taxes at all, and they will receive subsidies so they can hire accountants and lawyers to make it look as though they have given plenty of money to the government and most of the rest of what they have inherited to charity.
Obama believes that no one has ever built anything by dint of individual effort. He could come upon a five-year-old sitting alone while all her classmates are outside at recess playing, diligently working on a large and complex Lego project, and breezily assert: "You didn't build that. The government built that. Don't expect any credit or recognition for your labor or creativity. The only thing that matters is the collective."
Romney intends to shrink government. He speaks with disdain of the Congress that spent a billion dollars in '89-'91. Not 1989, but 1889. That Congress spent money to help the widows and orphans of military veterans. None of that bleeding heart stuff if Romney wins this year.
If Romney is elected, students will be able to go to college only if their parents have the money, but Obama will ensure that it's free for everyone - at least everyone who has always depended on the government to give them other people's money.
In Romney's America, everyone will borrow money from their parents and start small businesses. If their parents have no money, the new generation will just have to find their own bootstraps and pull hard. No such problems under Obama. We won't need any small businesses. The government will build everything. It always does.
Barack wants his daughters to have every opportunity that your sons have. He also wants everyone's daughters to have all the birth control pills that someone else's money can buy. Surely he will also fund a government program to arrange daily text messages to remind women to take their birth control pills. Mitt will let you know exactly what he thinks of this immoral, profligate plan just as soon as he is finished waging his war on women. Oh, and in case you were wondering, Mitt wears magic underwear. Barack goes commando.
Obama will stop global warming and heal the planet. Romney will focus on making life better for you and your family, comforted by the knowledge that people will really like the Atlantic and Pacific oceans much better as vast hot tubs. Never mind those rising sea levels.
Everything the two candidates and their surrogates ever say about the opposition is a lie. The only real question is just how big the lies are, and how loudly and how often they are repeated.
All I can say is, it's a good thing we have fact checkers. These are people we can depend on to ferret out the truth and give us the straight scoop, so we know what to believe and can make up our minds based on facts, not half-truths and innuendo. These fact checkers have no agenda of their own, no political point of view, no bias that might influence their findings. Their only interest is in finding the unvarnished reality and showing it to us.
And that bacon you're eating for breakfast came from pigs that were shot by hunter Paul Ryan as they flew overhead on their way to hear Joe Biden tell us how history will show Barack Obama is the best president the United States has ever had.
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