Leo Rosten wrote a delightful book titled The Joys of Yiddish (1968), and it has inspired me to find joys in other languages, especially English. English is full of word play, largely because it is rich in irregular word forms. So, while a worker is someone who works, a farmer is someone who farms, and (at least in a way) a plumber can be said to plumb, a mother really does not moth. A good mother, however, does help her caterpillars turn into the most beautiful butterflies.
Last week I was looking for a card for Mother's Day. They are typically divided into categories. I was looking for the one labeled "Wife." You can buy a card for your mother, your grandmother, your mother-in-law, your adult daughter who is now a mother, or your wife. (There are others, but these are the main categories.) My grandmothers have long since passed on, as have my mother and mother-in-law, and my adult daughter is doing things in traditional order, which means she is going to get married first (soon!) and become a mother later on.
The "Wife" section is pretty big. I was looking for just the right card, which means I looked at all of them. The right card is one that's pretty and has just the right sentiments, elegantly expressed. I can express my own sentiments, but greeting cards are big business because so many of us think someone else can do it better, and they are conventional (and did I mention big business?), so I go along. Besides, I like a challenge. If I wrote the sentiments myself, the challenge would be to write and revise until the words were perfect. In the store, the challenge is to find a card written by someone else that says just what I want to say. I was going to start that last sentence "In the card store," but nowadays there are so many stores trying to be all things to all people, I think most greeting cards are not bought at card stores any more.
Sometimes the selection of cards makes finding one that says just what I want to say more challenging than it should be, and then it's like taking a multiple choice test. You know how that goes: you look at all the answer choices, and there is something wrong with each of them, but there isn't any choice that says, "None of the above." That would be like leaving the store without a card, which is an option only if you have the time - and the inclination to enrich OPEC - to go from store to store. So you pick the "best" answer.
The "Wife" cards all seemed to have been written by people who completely missed the point. They were all focused on the marriage. I am perfectly happy to buy cards for my wife that say what a wonderful marriage partner she has been, and I do that for her birthday, our wedding anniversary, and Valentine's Day. I felt like the editor who had to tell the reporter she had completely missed what the story was really about. (I am an editor, so this put me in my comfort zone, but I could not send the greeting card writers back to start over, because I am not their editor.)
Should a Mother's Day card for one's wife tell her what a wonderful wife she is? Sure. But the main thing should be what a wonderful mother she is. These cards were all written by folks who forgot the name of the Day. Or maybe they just figured that if a man is buying a card for a woman, he is doing it to tell her how much he appreciates her in relation to himself, because men have a very egocentric way of looking at the world and everyone else in it. Now I was starting to get a little offended, so I took a deep breath and refocused.
I did not expect to find a card that expressed my thoughts about a woman who was willing to take an extended leave from a very successful professional career to raise two daughters and then re-enter the work force to set an example for them of what a professional woman can do in balancing career and family. I did not expect it to say that those two daughters are extraordinary young women, each of whom will make the world a better place in her own way, and that they turned out that way mostly because of their mother. No, I realize specificity is always lacking in greeting cards.
But the right card should at least say what my thoughts are on Mother's Day: that she is a wonderful mother, and that I feel privileged to have been chosen to be the father of her children and to help her raise them to be the fine young ladies they are. Was that too much to ask?
Apparently it was. So I found one that at least said something about being a mother, and I wrote my own card to go inside that card.
Hallmark and American Greetings, and the rest of you: listen up! Next year I expect you to do better. I'll be paying close attention. And I am encouraging all other husbands and fathers to do the same, and to remember that this is a day to tell your wife that the splendid job she has done being a mother is the reason for a big part of your love for her.
No comments:
Post a Comment